Why you always hangin' around dem white kids?

Why you ain't saggin' boy you datin' so-and-so but you ain't smash you a faggot boy

All I hear is bullshit from tools n' a buncha gassed up fools yellin' at each other shit is traffic noise

Too white fuh da black kids

But not black enough fuh deez white kids who don't even know what black is wishin' I was light-skinned

'Cause then maybe somebody from either race would start to think I'm more attractive the fact is

I shouldn't have even had them - thoughts in middle school about droppin' outta class like I’s less than average

Even though I's an adept assassin with the writing skills but heard teachers talk behind my back the shit is classic

Because I never forgot that

Apathetic's what dey used to call me I remember even though I tried to block that

Made a brotha restless

Set the chess board up they said I's playin' checkers

Grew up convoluted conversations had me reckless

Yellin' "fuck the world" 'fore I even knew what sex is

Told my sister that I wish she'd die like I'm sexist

Mad disrespect to my moms I's desperate

High school had me fucked up n' so distressed was bein' a dick or just emotional like I was pregnant

Closer to the present: now I'm a college freshman

Cheated on my girl the first semester das impressive

Thinkin' about breakin' up

Actin' like I ain't in love heart cold but my body warm from my mistress

Lookin' at my girl's texts like who is this bitch missed calls treatin' her like she's one of my exes...

But I was just breakin' under pressure

Had hidden feelin's but ain't know how to express em'

Year later I confessed and I did express them - of my own accord and of course she accepts them

But all the bullshit she went through was in truth a part of me not being able to handle the parts of me

And das some sad shit

Now I'm goin' batshit insane recollectin' like "damn, what was that shit?"

Strugglin' wit depression

Sleep deprivation

Did dis myself n'

These are my reparations for the damage that I've caused to everyone I've talked to

I talk a lot to myself but hey we all do...

N' I'm not even sure why I called you

Maybe I jus needed someone sane that I could talk to
Maybe I jus needed someone sane that I could talk to

~RICKYSPANISH~